Love Conquers All: April 2008

Well, today is a special yet bittersweet day for me. Today, is the birthday of my little girl, Taycee whom I placed for adoption. She turns six today and it is hard to believe that it has been that long. It is overwhelming to think about my life then and my life now. I always have said that Taycee was my little missionary, sent here to earth to teach me. Some of my friends have urged me to share the entire story, which is quite lengthy, so I will just share some things about this special girl.
At nineteen, I found myself pregnant, unmarried and in a very abusive relationship. I struggled my entire pregnancy trying to decide what I should do. After much consideration and lots of prayer, I decided that adoption was the best thing for this little baby girl. I was working with LDS Family Services and began to search through adoptive parent profiles. I looked at countless profiles of these amazing couples who so desperately wanted a child. I spent many days searching and could never find the "perfect ones." I kept telling my mom, "they arent there" to which she would reply "what does that mean?" I would say, "I dont know." A few days later, I decided to try once again and with a prayer in my heart, I started looking through profiles again. I can just remember opening up this profile and seeing this couple and thinking, oh they are cute. I read through their profile and just kept coming back to them. They had the sweetest letter and cutest pictures. I told my social worker to put their profile on hold (meaning other birth moms couldnt look at their profile) and left. As I got in my car and started driving away, I knew that I had found the perfect couple for my baby. The feelings and emotions were incredibly overwhelming. I wanted to send the couple, Chad and Terra, something special to tell them they were going to get a baby. My mom made a beautiful blanket for them and we sent it off to them. They wrote a beautiful letter back and we scheduled our face to face (where birth moms and adoptive couples meet together before the baby comes.) Well, I ended up going into labor and having Taycee the day before the face to face was scheduled. She was a beautiful baby who looked just like Chad, the adoptive dad. I spent that night with her, she was awake the entire time, it was like she knew she needed to be awake so we could make the most of our time together. The following day, we decided to still do the face to face, we would just do it at the hospital. I will never forget the moment that Chad and Terra walked in the room. I KNOW with all my heart that we knew one another in heaven. It was like a reunion with old friends. This meeting only confirmed that they were supposed to be her parents. They were so cute and gentle with her and me. They left that afternoon and we decided that they would come back for Taycee the next night. Time soon became my enemy and I kept willing the clock to stop, I needed time to stand still. Each minute that passed was one minute closer to having to say good-bye. Unfortunately, the next day came too quickly. That day passed so quickly and it was soon time to sign the legal papers and for Chad and Terra to come. My family and I each had our own little time with her, where we told her how much we loved her and how much her parents loved her.
Chad and Terra soon arrived and we gathered in my hospital room. We talked and cried and I held Taycee, not wanting to let go. Chad and Terra were standing in front of me while I was sitting on the side of the bed. I have never felt my Heavenly Fathers presence as strong as I did at that moment, I slowly dropped my head and whispered "take her home, take her home to her bed, I think she is tired" and I placed her in Terra's arms. We hugged, they started to buckle her up in her seat and turned to leave. I found myself running after them to kiss her one last time.
Immediatley after that, I was discharged and allowed to come home. As we walked out of the hospital, it slowly began to rain and my aunt leaned over to me and said, "Heavenly Father is crying too." It was the worst but one of the best days of my life. I spent the next couple of months healing and was so grateful when I got the news that Taycee had been sealed to her mommy and daddy. The pictures of her at the temple are some of my favorites. I later also found out that Chad and Terra's profile was sent to my agency on accident. It was supposed to have gone to another agency, but arrived at the agency I was going to the morning I came to look at profiles. I knew and still know that Heavenly Father watched over everything that happened and was part of the entire process.
I want to express my love for Taycee and for Chad and Terra. I love them more than anything and I am eternally grateful for everything they have done for Taycee. She has had a wonderful, happy life. She has two younger sisters who are her best friends. I know that Taycee is exactly where she is supposed to be, I have never doubted it for a minute. Heavenly Father has created a beautiful plan where families can be together forever and Taycee will be with her family forever.
I also want to express my love for my family and for all their support through the adoption process. I know I could not have made it without them.
I look at my life now and I cant help but be thankful for everything that I have. I have a fantastic husband and a beautiful little girl. This experience with Taycee had forever changed my life and it has made me who I am today.
Happy Birthday to Taycee...my little missionary!!!

Saying good-bye